Rex, Rocky, Vivi, and Billy                                                                            

A Quick Trip

A Quick Trip

My grandmother lives in Maine.  And not a stone's throw away, like three and a half hours up into the middle of trees, lakes, and blueberry fields.  When Matt and I were kid-less we would escape up there for a relaxing summer weekend.  We would drink cocktails on her pontoon boat, go for long walks, and go out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants in an adorable nearby ocean-front town.  This week, we decided it was time to take two kids (for the first time) up for a few days.  It will be relaxing!  It won’t be that different!  Pfffffffffff.

We got the gremlins in their PJs and packed the car full of shit for the three and a half hour haul.  It was 4:30pm.  That was our first mistake.  It was basically Badparentingchoice o’clock.   It was not nearly close enough to their bedtimes and clearly “not dark time” yet.  Thankfully Rex was exhausted from a long day playing with my mom, so he fell asleep in a bag of chips pretty quickly.

But that only lasted about forty-five minutes.  After that, he asked a lot of questions, sang some songs, ate a few crappy snacks, and complained about not being there yet.  Rocky, my little angel (#oppositeday), cried loudly for the first three hours and fifteen minutes and then slept happily for the final fifteen. Perfect.  Off to a good start.

We arrived around eight, which was well past both of their bedtimes.  Still, my grandmother couldn’t resist a good spin around her property in a golf cart, taking Rex to feed her thirty chickens some frozen English muffins, and showing him show to shoot a plastic bow and arrow anda cap gun.  Thankfully Rocky has screamed himself exhausted so he went down for the night without too much of a fight.  Rex, on the other hand, slept about 4 hours.  He slept in bed with me, in a room that was approximately 300 degrees, and he slept on my face. 

The next day the relaxation continued.  Rex loved the lake, and spent the majority of our day happily playing and swimming.  I only had to tell him seven thousand times not to squirt me with the super soaker, not to throw rocks, not to splash Rocky, and not to try to eat the snails found on the bottom of the sandy lake. 

He loudly protested each sunscreen application and did not understand why there were no crabs in the lake.  There was A LOT of relaxing conversation about the crabless lake.

The boat was a success for Rex.  He loved it!  We went out on a couple of rides, which even lulled him to sleep at one point.  (Hallelujah!)

Rocky, on the other hand, was Rocky.  I had to full-on chase him around the pontoon boat the ENTIRE time.  He was up and down and in and out.  He wanted to drive, then he wanted to sit, then stand, then try to jump off.  It was like he was a pinball on a pontoon pinball machine, and I was always one step too slow and never able to anticipate his next move.  Probably because I was too tired from the four hours of sleep I got with my man-toddler the night before. (The pic below is titled, "Doesn't This Look Peaceful: The Lies of Instagram")

Night two we put Rocky to sleep and left Rex with my grandmother and headed out to our favorite dinner spot.  We were determined to carve out a little of the "us" time that we were able to enjoy pre-kids.   Dinner was amazing, we had a couple cocktails, we walked around to a few shops----ahhhhhh, it was nice.  We headed back around 10pm.  We arrived and Rex was asleep downstairs with my grandmother in her bed.  She told us he was burning up, that she thought he had a fever.  Now I am not sure whether it was actually a fever or just a product of being in the hot sun all day and in a 7000 degree house, but either way---awesome.  I brought him upstairs with me and he stayed asleep.  Until 1am when he was at the foot of my bed.  “Mommy, I don’t like bed.  It’s wake up time, let’s go play.”  Oh, #fuckmeintheass.  He was up until 4am.

Friday was blurry because lack of sleep fucks with me.  Rex was pretty short-fused, and hungry, and constipated.  Since we had arrived he had refused to eat anything but Swedish fish.  He caught a lot of bugs, swam, and him and I paddle boarded around and spotted a turtle and lots of dragon flies.  

Rocky played in the water and also tried to eat the snails.  His favorite activity was sand and rock throwing and eating.  And he got a pretty runny nose and swollen red eyes out of nowhere which pissed him off, so that was cool.

Friday night we decided to cut the trip short and head out early.  We were all sleepless and Rex was burning up and Rocky was swollen and the chickens were fed.  Matt and I speed ate lobsters and some oysters that my grandmother had bought us, and we hit the road.  The boys slept the entire way home until we hit road work thirty minutes out which resulted in a harmonious cry/scream/whine fest to bring the trip to a close.

So, there it was.  And who says you can’t have a relaxing weekend away with two kids?!



Go Do Poops

Go Do Poops

Oops, I'm Late

Oops, I'm Late