Rex, Rocky, Vivi, and Billy                                                                            

Evening Is For Me Time

Evening Is For Me Time

Hey laaadies and the couple of gentleman that might be reading this, but not outwardly admitting it.  I took a two week summer hiatus.  Obvi.  Also I'm a little buzzed right now, so we'll see if I regret any of this in the morning.  Let's get started, shall we?  That picture above is from #tampaxtuesday, when we took an emergency family outing to CVS for tampons.  See how much fun my kids have?!  Moving on.  So we went on our first family vacation a couple weeks ago to Ogunquit, ME, and it was, I’m going to say it…fucking awesome.  Yes!  Even with two kids.  See?  Look.

no, it was this goddamn precious.  i swear less than a handful of meltdowns.

no, it was this goddamn precious.  i swear less than a handful of meltdowns.

the night Billy dressed as a valet guy at Barnacle fucking Billy's.  so embarrassing for him.

the night Billy dressed as a valet guy at Barnacle fucking Billy's.  so embarrassing for him.

Then we got home, and I did this.

whoops.

whoops.

Sorry, Bill.  It will grow out.  I didn’t consciously mean to turn you into Lloyd Christmas.

But subconsciously, yes, I probably did. 

And now we’re onto the highly anticipated kitchen renovation. 

it's like fancy camping.  also, i hate camping.

it's like fancy camping.  also, i hate camping.

they actually let me use a sledgehammer for 5 minutes. i knocked out one measly square foot.

they actually let me use a sledgehammer for 5 minutes. i knocked out one measly square foot.

Now I may not be so lucky that both of my parents live in the clouds, as Vivi says, but I did luck out on the in-law front.  I’ve mentioned Gail here a few times, so you know how I feel about that wonderful woman.  But now we have my father-in-law, Grampy and his wife, Lolo staying here, building us a new kitchen and feeding us every night.  It’s a full house, but they're awesome and helpful and generous and we drink wine together, so I think we’re managing pretty damn well.  Having in-laws stay with you does make you assess some of your weird habits though.  One of them has to do with my typical evening routine.

Most every night, it’s the same thing.  Get the kids to bed and then maybe I eat dinner with Tom.  After that, I usually collapse on the couch.  Every. Single. Night.  I have many great plans and ideas of what to do with this special time when I’m thinking about it throughout the day.  Ughh I still have Thank Yous to send out for Vivi’s birthday that happened in July.  Oh I’ll just do it tonight.  Those clothes are probably done in the dryer.  Fuck it, I’ll unload them and fold them tonight.  But my favorite thing to put off is the shower.  Unless I motivate myself to jump in there while Tom is having breakfast with the kids, I have two options:  shower while the kids are on the loose unsupervised and just keep my fingers crossed or wait for that sacred evening "me time" when I have the opportunity to relax.

I realize we’re talking basic principles of hygiene here and also that it shouldn’t really be much of a conversation, let alone blog post, but here we are.  Did you see any of this coming?  I always used to take showers at night.  Just the way it worked for me, okay?  There’s something about showering first thing in the cold morning that feels fucking awful to me.  So, I wait until nighttime.  But there’s a funny thing that happens when you have kids.  You are never ever entitled to personal freedom, like ever again!  And you get little to no breaks during the day.  Except!  Except for when those hooligans are fast asleep.  Ahh YES! 

I paint my face with blue stripiez, raise my glass of vino, and you know what I want to do?  I want to lay down and watch weird documentaries on Netflix, read my Kindle, and eat all the chocolate I have stashed away for these hours. 

Then there’s a nagging version of my voice in my own head.  “Britt, come on.  Get in the shower.  You put it off all day.  Get in the fucking shower.  You CANNOT do this all over again tomorrow.  We have to be somewhere at 9am.  You don't even have to blow dry your hair, fuck it.  Maybe it will get a cool wave from sleeping on it”  And then I throw major tude back at myself.  “Ughh shut up.  NO!  I just sat down, I’m fucking tired and I don’t want to do one more thing right now that involves getting up, unless it’s to get up and into my bed.  And it won't be cool and wavy.  I'll have weird fucking cowlicks that won't straighten out until I do this all over again.”  “Aaaalright”, snarky me says, “but that means you’re gonna have to take that early morning shower you hate.  Gonna be hard to shave your legs when you're cold, but if that’s really what you wanna doooo...”  “Yeah, whatthefuckever!  I’ll do it!  I’m not cutting into me time right now.  I never get any me time!!”  Are you totes grossed out right now?  This feels weird.  I feel weird now.  I’m not weird!  You’re weird for judging me and thinking I’m weird.  You do weird stuff too.  I know you fucking do.

But really, when did I get to the point that I feel like showering at night is taking too much “me time” away?!  I mean what is considered more "me time" than showering yourself?!  What’s the name of that deadly sin?  You know; there were Seven.  Sloth?  Was that the not really dead guy shrouded in air fresheners?  What’s in the BOOOOX?!! 

A full bar of unused soap in my case.  Just kidding…?  I told you I was tipsy.  Give me a break; I’m getting back on the blog horse.  And just in case you were wondering, I early morning showered today and hated every second.

Calling all #BOYMOMs...

Calling all #BOYMOMs...

"Shit. Call Dad.  Tell Him to Saw the Door Off."

"Shit. Call Dad. Tell Him to Saw the Door Off."