Rex, Rocky, Vivi, and Billy                                                                            

Brand New Year, Same Old Neck Hair.

Brand New Year, Same Old Neck Hair.

The title's got nothin' to do with the post.  But seriously if you have an at home remedy to permanently get rid of the two verysimilarto pubic hairs that grow outta my neck on a bimonthly basis, show a little love in the comment section.

Anyway, it's 2017.  Whoopdiefuckingdo.  Does anyone else feel run over after the holidays? 

Without kids the holidays are like ehhhhh, a little stressful.  You kinda have a lot of events on the books, but you can sleep most of it off and when it's all over you can regain your footing.  With kids it's like you get the life completely sucked out of you for a month while your kids snot all over seven thousand new toys with nowhere to put them and instead of being able to rest when it's all over you are forced to re-teach bedtime and dinner routines from scratch and deal with the sobbing aftermath every morning when you have to tell your toddler that it not "the christmas day again". 

But it's actually all worth it because I have some really generous people in my life who get me some really awesome shit.  Like this. 

Oh, I'm sorry, who? Yeah. KENDALL AND KYLIE MUTHAEFFAS.  Of course Christmas is not all about gifts.  But it kind of is.  And this surprise little gem just wreaks of coolness.  People won't even know that I am a mom when I rock this shit. (Don't worry, I will layer it over a full length shirt. #keepinmaFUPAtomaself)

Rex and Rock made out prettayyyyy good too, which is both good a bad.  No more fighting over the ipad mini, but I did have to take out a home equity loan to pay for seventeen thousand batteries and nine more three sprout bins.  But I did finally get the pink elephant because boys like pink too and it is fucking money.

One really fun part of Christmas was watching Rex open gifts, especially from other people.   I really liked when he broke down sobbing at the sight of a sweater yelling, "This is boring and not fun at all!" Or when he opened any toy without wheels and announced, "I want a different hing!" (Not a typo.  Kid needs some serious "th" help.)  He also got a glorious Land of Nod (not cheap) construction comforter (at my request) and after we ripped the tags off and threw it on his bed he told me, "ohhhh, Mom.  This is actually not good.  It's very bumpy.  I do not like this."  Perfect.  Sleep is not about comfort, Rex. It's about looking good.  And this comforter is very chic.  Make it work.

At least Rocky was excited to get some gifts that will really help to foster his already sweet, calm personality


Matt and I are obsessed with the Holidays so we try to squeeze everything in, even if it feels forced.  Twice we waited until dark and drove the boys around to two different streets with awesome lights, both about twenty minutes away.  And both times Rex fell asleep before we got there and Rocky just wanted to get out and probably climb on the roof or electrocute himself. 

We also planned our annual cookie party for the boys where they have their friends over and decorate cookies (#basicbitch) but Rex got the stomach bug the night before.  Party was called off and the boys ate a tub of frosting, lots of sprinkles, and some cookie dough instead.  It was the perfect post-stomach bug meal, really.

We actually all got really sick, with the flu I'm fairly certain, the week leading up to Christmas.  It made for a lot of holiday cheer.  Kids up throughout the night, Matt and I tag teaming a bottle of Afrin, and going through a full box of tissues while assembling a little trampoline and a shopping cart.  And, this is not related but---I got Rex rollerskates because he asked for them.  I don't even know how he knew that they existed, but I was all like, "Yeah, totally! Let's do it, Santa!"  Well was I high?!  Actually, I may have been with all that Afrin. 

He used them for ten seconds before I realized I might as well have given him a loaded pistol.  I'm saying...if I actually let him use these and didn't hide them, he would die.  And I don't mean he would twist an ankle and I am being dramatic.  I mean, he would actually die.  Like, RIP.  Won't be Santa's last lapse in judgment I am sure, but woof.  C'mon, Samm.

And now that I have completely shit on my favorite time of year and you all think I am an ungrateful, negative, complaining loser...let me remind you again, it was all worth it.

Oh, and where ya want me to put this little diddy from one of the uncles?

Bring it on, 2017.  Show me whatchu got.

Oh Heys Guys and Here's Another Tongue Pic

Oh Heys Guys and Here's Another Tongue Pic

Did Ya Miss Me?

Did Ya Miss Me?