Oh Heys Guys and Here's Another Tongue Pic
This would be a good time to write something. I just spent 26 minutes putting both kids in their snowsuits while Tom supportively watched.
And Vivi only came back inside for one readjustment, a wedgie that couldn’t be picked with mittens on. Absolutely valid reason. So now it’s just me, my last few sips of cold coffee, and this almost 16-week-old fetus in my womb. Almost 16 what?!?! Yeeeeaaahhhh, I… Wait hang on, Vivi’s calling me. This is working out fucking perfectly. Tom is also yelling about not being able to shovel with both kids out there…..Okay Vivi’s in, Billy’s out pushing some snow around with a broom like he’s a big deal. Where was I? Ohhhh the fetus, yes. So, where have I been these days?? Getting’ maself knocked up, that’s where I’ve been! Oh, and then after that, busy with my head buried in a toilet bowl.
I like to think I do pregnancy so well and I really enjoy it, but I’m actually a fucking disaster. And with the third, I basically got my positive pregnancy test and my boobs immediately ballooned to H’s. And it’s not hot, gentlemen. These are previously nursed on, stretched out H’s, okay? That’s why you have the babies after you’re married kids, when your husband is stuck with this mess he created. I pee multiple times an hour, I’m wearing a sacroiliac joint support belt 16 hours a day, and chewing on Phenergan to stop the vom. Oh you wear pregnancy well, Brittany, you really do.
It's truly been a joy being pregnant with two germ infested toddlers running around, too. We've had 2 cases of pneumonia, I had the flu and then as the last minutes of the year ticked away, Billy ended 2016 and started 2017 off puking all over my back. We had a cozy little staycation, the four of us. A 5 day span of everyone throwing up. Don't ask me how I did it, but I somehow managed to take a selfie for you.
Luckily I had some Phenergan suppositories for myself. Happy New Year to me!
Getting pregnant isn't the only reason I went underground. We've had a ton of home improvement projects, yes, but Vivi also started preschool this year, which I know I've mentioned before. I will admit to you jerks (kidding, I'm the jerk) that I became a little self-conscious about writing our "honest blog" while trying to become assimilated to this new little world of preschoolers and other moms. This sounds so hypocritical of me, does it not? Like "I'm gonna be totttally honest with you, except when I'm around people I don't know, then I will promptly become like everyone else for fear of being different and ostracized, and holy shit when did I time travel back to middle school?!!"
What if the other moms judged me because this blog isn't exactly their cup of wine/vodka/tea? What if they prejudged my own daughter because they think her mother is a complete asshole with a trucker's mouth?! What if she got left out because of me?! What if people hated me before I even had a conversation with them?? What if, what if, what if?! This goes back to that feeling moms (I) get about being inadequate, about not being enough something, about being too much of something, about being or not being one of "those" moms. But honestly, no one has it all together. Come on! If you tell me you do, I call you liar liar pants en fuego, cause you don't and neither do I.
So it turns out that there are some very awesome moms at Vivi's school, teachers and parents alike. Some even told me they read the blog, which always instantly makes me feel like oh god oh no this isn't happening this isn't happening.
If you didn't know by now, I'm always good for a Hot Chick reference.
But really I've thought, well fuck it, everyone's weird in their own way and this is mine. And how the hell else am I going to get through this pregnancy without complaining to you guys?? Plus there have actually been a lot of people who've told Samm and me that they missed us. Can you believe it?? Well, don't! I'm lying to you. I'm kidding! I've told you I would never do that to you. So, I guess you could call it a comeback, but don't, we've been here for years.
And if you happen to think my daughter is a little weirdo,
well now you know who her mother is, so don't blame her.